The Day the Dough Hooks Stood Still....

Gritting my teeth and flexing my arms, I held on tightly to the rumbling, groaning machine.  It was only a 250Watt mixer but I was determined to get it to knead my 500g of dough, no matter the consequences.  After all, I spent all of RM120 to get this machine.  It protested under the tremendous force of pushing and melding the flour, water and yeast mixture.  Jingling and jangling, it popped up from its stand a couple of times due to the extreme pressures.  But I pushed on.  I was relentless in my pursuit of well-developed gluten in my bread dough.  

Suddenly, there was a loud snap amidst the whirring of the motor.  I flicked the off switch quickly and stared in horror into the mixing bowl.  One of the dough hooks had shaken loose and got entangled in the other hook.  It had broken off clean into two.....There was a blinding flash of light.  I shut my eyes to shield myself from the glare.  A humming sound came to my ears and I slowly blinked away the spots of light floating across my vision.  A face came into focus...Hey, what was Keanu Reeves doing in my kitchen????  Did my hair look all right??? I hurriedly flicked my bangs into presentable chic-ness.  Standing besides Keanu, there was a giant Cylon - the kind that fought Apollo and Starbucks in Battlestar Galactica in the 1978 TV series

"My name is Kaayu" The Keanue Reeves lookalike droned. "This is my robot, myFART (Malaysian Foreign-workers Assembled Redundant Technology). I come from an alien race of bakers.  I am sent here to determine if you are deserving to be owner of this mixer.  If you are not, myFART will destroy your mixer and you will never bake again."

"WHAT???" I screamed, all thoughts of hooking up with Kaayu flew out of my head.
"We aliens go around the universe poking into other bakers' business and making judgements.  Today, you have been deemed unworthy." intoned Kaayu in his monotone voice, his deadpan eyes looking straight at me.  myFART hummed menacingly as his Cylon eye beam swung furiously from left to right.
"But I AM worthy!!!" I whined. "Look at all the stuff I made before!"

"Can't you feel the love?? It hurt me more than it hurt my mixer when the dough hooks broke.  I deserve a second chance!" I whined further.

Kaayu bent his handsome head down and consulted with myFART in a few hurried whispers.  Finally, he turned to me.  "You have only 3 days to do redeem yourself.  There's a Kenwood promotion where you can trade in your old mixer AND get a new one at a discounted price.  Do this, and myFART may not explode in your face...."

I was reeling....Give up my old mixer?? My trusty Faber which has seen me through all my successes as well as failures?  My 250W machine who has unflinchingly attacked all dough at the flick of the switch, even though it was way beyond it's capacity?  And a new Kenwood mixer?  That is going to blow a major hole in my pocket - even with a discount...I did a hurried calculation...it was going to cost me a whopping RM1800!!

"You have 3 days..." Kaayu repeated.  myFART emitted one last menacing hum and they both disappeared in a ball of light.  It was a heart-wrenching decision.  On D-Day, I packed up the Faber, my heart heavy with reluctance. 

Before making my way to the store for THE exchange, I had to get it off my chest and decided to get moral support from Ultraman.  With his usual cunning, Ultraman casually suggested "Aiya, don't bring your old mixer in.  Just go in and pay for the Kenwood.  Chances are, they may not even ask for your old mixer".  "Really? Can that happen??" My heart lightened with the possibility.  I walked into the store, glancing around to make sure Kaayu was not there to mess things up.  My adrenaline pumping with anxiety, the salesman went through the procedures of checking through the Kenwood package, and making sure everything is in order with the warranty.  I handed over my credit card...and the salesman turned to me and smiled......

There was a blinding flash of light and the incessant humming from myFART's cylon eye filled the air of my kitchen.  I blinked and Kaayu's wooden face came into focus.

"Did you get the Kenwood?" Kaayu intoned. I hesitated.

"Do not forget what will happen with myFART...." Kaayu warned.  myFART started huffing and puffing, building up momentum for the imminent explosion... An explosion that would put an end to my baking days...."

"Stop! Stop! I got the Kenwood mixer!!" I shouted.  I stepped aside to show them the proof.

"And you know what?  I didn't have to trade in my old mixer.  Faber is still with me!  Now, I'm going to have two mixers and there's not a thing you can about it!  So, there's going to more breads, more cakes, more pastries for everyone!" I continued defiantly.

"And here's what I think of your robot!" My sambal petai dinner rose to the occasion as I clenched my muscles and let out a giant explosion of my own.  Kaayu and myFART staggered about, gagging and choking..."myFART, we gotta get out of here!!" Kaayu screamed.  There was another loud flash....and suddenly, I was alone in my kitchen.  I turned to my mixers and lovingly traced the gleaming metal hooks.  The future is looking bright.....

THE END

Footnote : A loose adaptation of the remake for "The Day the Earth Stood Still".  Movie rights still up for grabs....